I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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