but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
