Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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