I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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