I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
