All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
