the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize