oh god the rape fog is back!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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