honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
