I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
