Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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