New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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