Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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