did you get engaged???
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
