He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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