weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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