Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
