I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
did you just send me my own nude
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
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