Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize