So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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