It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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