turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
