so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
where does the pee come out of this thing
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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