And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize