I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so let's talk penis.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
