in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize