you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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