Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
