Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
