My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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