Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
