They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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