i just wanna soil my oats bro
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
