Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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