I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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