maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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