so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize