i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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