take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
