What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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