he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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