he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
