i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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