proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
