Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
