I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
