When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize