lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
