I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
