I want to stick my p in your. b.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
