just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
