he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
