dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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