There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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