And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
