HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize