At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The power of my boobs compel you
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
