Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
