they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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