see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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