NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
