just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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