My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
