Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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