he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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