i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
