i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
