I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
