I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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