I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize