haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
well you can't waste a boner
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
