Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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