I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
