Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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