New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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