He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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