is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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