your room smells of hookers.
And success
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
