PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
