Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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