No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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