So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
