The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
