When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
