he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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