I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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