an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Text me some of your sweat
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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