I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
