is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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