Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
