I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
There are leaves in my underwear?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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