If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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