What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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