Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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