yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I fill condoms, not promises.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
