We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize