His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
