Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
