dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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