I puked a lego.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
