I think I just saw someone hide a body.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
