i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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